A Viral Homily, or... Bless You

11 All the earth had the same language, and the same words. 2And as men migrated from the east, they came upon a valley in the land of Shinar and settled there. 3They said to one another, “Come, let us make bricks…. 4let us build us a city, and a tower with its top in the sky, to make a name for ourselves; else we shall be scattered all over the world.”

5The Lord came down to look at the city and tower which man had built, 6and the Lord said, “If, as one people, with one language for all, this is how they have  begun to act, then nothing that they may propose to do will be out of their reach. 7Let us go down and confound their speech there, so that they shall not understand one another.”  Genesis

So ended that real estate project. And I did scatter everyone. I had no choice. I had to take man down a notch…it wasn’t punishment. It was a hint…to let him know he was on the right track. Come together, do great things, and so forth.

Ok… and some job security. If man succeeded, then he wouldn’t need me anymore.

But you didn’t get the lesson. Perhaps it’s not your fault. Moses was the author. What do you expect from a stiff-necked Hebrew taking dictation? My mistake was not having an editor…Moses had a lot on his plate.

My wrath could have been worse. But I had already boxed myself in. I made a promise in Chapter 8, just after Noah and his clan finally got out of the ark.

21“Never again will I doom the earth because of man, since the devisings of man’s mind are evil from his youth.”

Chapter 9 was more fun… and pregnant with meaning, too. I made it clear that I was opposed to human bloodshed; and, more importantly, I told you that 2“everything with which the earth is astir” is given to you. I also helped Noah plant a vineyard so he and his descendants (that’s you) could enjoy the fruit of the vine. For the record, I did not encourage him to pass out with his pants off. That was his own doing. Finally, I decided to make the rainbow my Post-it Note, just in case I forgot about my promise. Nice touch, huh?

You are asking what happened to mankind between the time the ark doors opened and I destroyed the tower of Babel?  How did humanity become so strong, united and ambitious in just a few generations? I thought I made it pretty clear. But again, a bad editing job could be the source of confusion.

What happened is that man learned appreciation.  When everyone around you perishes, you feel thankful you and yours didn’t. When the world is rejuvenated right before your eyes, it might stir a sense of gratitude. At a minimum, you learn to appreciate fresh air when you’ve been cooped up for 40 days smelling deer musk and elephant dung. After such an experience, you learn to appreciate a lot of things.

Was it too subtle a message? The evil from your youth still clouding your minds? My children, you are about as responsible as a teenager with a six-pack and the car keys.

I said, I don’t do punishment…really. But sometimes it is necessary to make a point.  Like now…

You’ve lost any sense of appreciation. This, when so many of you wake up to hot & cold running water, electricity, and, as it turns out, the most important thing: toilet paper. What’s not to appreciate?

Here’s another lesson from the Good Book that was lost on you. Remember when I seek out Abraham, to ask him to sacrifice his son? He doesn’t hide. He understands about personal accountability. 22: 1, 11“Here I am,” he says. What? You think I didn’t know where he was? Of course, I did.  I wanted to hear that he was ready to take responsibility for his commitments…his actions…his life.  And there are those of you who don’t pay child support…or want to sue the tobacco company for giving you cancer? Come on…

No, you are not so young anymore. You’ve carried the evil of your youthful minds into middle age. Time to dispose of it. 

I have been too subtle. You still need to be hit over the head from time to time, just like pharaoh.

This one’s not a plague, though it may seem like one. It’s fulfillment of an earlier covenant. Remember, I made you the master of all beasts. Dominion over all, so that they may serve you. You think a virus isn’t a beast? Look closely at it. It’s serving you, though you might not realize it.

Really, things aren’t that bad. At first, you thought you lost everything that was important. Work, money, happy hour. Look carefully. Lots of good stuff happening. The earth I put in your trust you managed to soil so badly your lungs are weak. Now the sky gets a break. Your pets get some attention. You remember what games your kids like to play. You show you care by staying out of the streets and not breathing on each other.

Can’t gather to worship me? I don’t need a crowd. Even if you’re sitting at home in your stained undershorts, if you are loving each other, then as far as I’m concerned you are in your Sunday Best…every quarantined day of the week.

Consider this a shock therapy on appreciation and caring. You weren’t doing enough hugging anyway. Hope you’ll miss that, too. I’m giving you a chance to get a life. Own it. Appreciate it.

In fact, how about documenting it? We’ve had the Old Testament and the New Testament (really, not so new anymore, at least in your piddling time scale). Perhaps it’s time for another testament. All good stories have sequels. Should come out every millennium or so. BUT, sayeth I to thee, be warned: this one is only a trilogy. You’d better get the meaning of the final volume.

We’ll call it the Last Testament. Let’s say it will also have five books. (You noticed I like certain numbers? Three patriarchs, magi, toes on a sloth; five holy books, fingers per hand, senses per body; forty…so many occurrences: days, nights, the year you started going bald….)

Try this as an opening chapter:

1 And the Lord sent a pestilence across the land, to his scattered peoples. 2It laid low the old and infirm, as well as the young and robust. 3And men cowered in their hovels and palaces, their tents on the plains and caves in the hills. 4To survive they separated themselves, yet the angles helped them stay connected. 5Despite the different tongues, they had learned to communicate. 6As in the time of Babylon, men wanted to make a name for themselves. 7But they realized lasting fame would only be found in the songs of praise and reverence echoing in future generations. 8They understood nothing was out of their reach –their own destruction, through avarice and waste, as well as their salvation, through service and love—love of each other….

I’d emphasize verse 8 in particular. You say you love me? But I created you in my image! I demonstrate my power, my passion and my love throughout the holy books. Is that not proof enough? Then they only way to love me is to love yourselves. There! I’ve got you! Just try to argue against that logic! Good lawyers I have. You don’t have to be the Dali Lama to catch the wisdom. 

We’ll call this first tome The Book of Awakening. Not too subtle, eh?  (On the West coast they can call it The Book of Mindfulness if they want.) It’s all about being aware. It’s a “wake up call” for humanity. But I’ve seen you in the mornings. Will you roll out of bed ready for action, or will you hit the snooze button?

The names of the subsequent four books will depend on your answer to that question. The Book of Integration, or Disintegration? The Book of Cooperation, or Destruction? The Book of Transformation, or Degradation? The Book of Deliverance, or Disappearance? Up to you.

So, get to work my children. Get a good editor. Then, write your own story. Inscribe your greatness in these books. Bless you. Bless yourselves. Bless each other. But first, wash your hands…